Week 9 Writing Tools Activity

Writing Tool #27: Reveal traits of character

This week I will be utilizing tool #27 which requires the writer to not only tell the reader characteristics of a character, but to show them . When writers use bland adjectives, the character falls short. Adjectives are good, but providing examples of how the adjectives are utilized moves the character and provides the reader a better image of who or what they are reading about. Below is an original passage followed by a revised passage with this tool applied.

Original Passage:

Pollock opens up with Jackson as a drunk, poor, and struggling artist. The audience is shown more personal experiences, such as forming a personal and professional relationship with Lee Krasner. Lee aids him in getting noticed, which was no easy task. For Pollock, it was all about connections, such as his friend knowing Howard who knew Peggy Guggenheim.

Revised Passage:

Pollock opens up with a struggling Jackson. He is drowning in alcohol and losing money by the second all because of his art.  The audience sees more of Jackson in the film by showing more personal experiences, such as forming a relationship with Lee Krasner. Lee’s ability to snag the publics attention is tested, but prevailed for Jackson through various connections. For Pollock, it was all about connections, such as his friend knowing Howard who knew Peggy Guggenheim.

By using this tool, I think the revised version is stronger than the original because it provides a little more substance than using one or two adjectives. Through this, I am hoping the reader can get a better feeling for who is being discussed and how they chose to live their life.

Week 8 Writing Tool #21: Know when to back off and when to show off

The tool I will be applying to an original passage this week is #21: Know when to back off and when to show off. I learned this week the importance of when it is appropriate to underestimate and when to overestimate a story. Clark tells us that if the story is serious enough, the story will tell itself, and won’t need to be fluffed or built up, but when the story is far from serious, exaggerate, exaggerate, and even exaggerate some more. Below is an original passage followed by the revised passage.

Original Passage:

We hurried down the stairs and into the best place you could ever wish for in a house. The biggest game room possible that isn’t considered an arcade and won’t eat your money, this place was known as the basement. Down there you had all sorts of games, staring from various types of pinball machines that shot out baseball cards if you got a home run to race car machines. This was the place were we would be if we were not outside.

Revised Passage:

We bolted inside and shoved each other down the narrow stairway and into the most magical place you could ever wish for in a house, the game basement. This is no ordinary basement, but the biggest game room possible that won’t eat your money. Along the walls of the entire room is an assortment of games, ranging from thousands pinball machines that spit out baseball cards if you get a home run to a racing cars.  When the weather is bad, this is the place to be.

By applying this tool to the passage, I am hoping to play up how big of deal this basement was to me when I was 8. It is a place where all of the kids spent hours and by applying words that show how big of a deal this was, I am hoping they can gain a clear image of what I am trying to describe.

Week #7 Writing Tools Activity: Slow and Steady Wins the Race….or Does It?

For this weeks writing tools activity I am choosing to apply writing tool #18: Set the pace with sentence length to an original passage. The purpose of this tool is to show how the length of sentence determined by the writer will inevitably chose the pace of the reader. The book explains the importance of slowing the pace of the reader and how this can be accomplished. Below, I have provided an original passage followed by a revised passage utilizing this tool.

Original Passage:

A good turn in life that I have made is being close to my family and being able to speak to them even when I live at school. I talk to my parents everyday and tell them how I’m doing in school, athletics, and just in general life. I also don’t live far from home so I can easily go home on the weekends and seeing my family. I’m fortunate in this because I can see them, were as to other students might live in another country, and only see their family twice in the school year.

Revised Passage:

A good turn in my life that I have made is the decision to be close to my family, despite living at school. On average, I talk to my parents almost everyday and fill them in about school, athletics, and my social life. It’s also beneficial that I don’t live far from home, so going home on the weekends and seeing my family is easy. I’m grateful to not only be emotionally close to my family, but geographically close as well.

I believe that this revised passage is more effective than the original passage because it varies the readers tempo. This is key when wanting to clarify the topic, and “focus on the emotional truth” (Clark, 89). I am hoping that the reader leaves reading this passage having a better understanding on the effect of setting the tempo of a passage and how long sentences are not the enemy!

 

Chapter 3: Feminism

Summary:

In this chapter, Garbacik discusses the history behind feminism. She layouts the historical timeline including: political, social, religious, and economical events, and the key individual’s that pushed for women’s rights. In the end, the message is clear how the roles of feminist have furthered men and women’s role in society and how through them, the original ideas of gender roles have and still are shifting.

Response:

What I really enjoyed about this chapter were the political stances throughout history, and their effect on women’s rights. Whether it was about abortion or birth control, it really interested me on how these issued arouse and how people handled them. It made me question about who proclaimed these issues, were they men or women? The insert boxes and the visuals were extremely beneficial when I wanted clarification on terms and what feminists stood for during their time period. Overall, I really liked how Garbacik provided a detailed, yet simple explanation of feminism throughout history.

Chapter 2: Historical Construction of Gender Roles

Summary:

The purpose of this chapter was to provide the reader with how gender roles originated throughout history. Garbacik investigates how the roles of gender formed and how humans interpreted these events. In the end, Garbacik blames the theories of male dominance, limited access to education for women, and the varying personality and ability traits for women’s accepted gender role, but addresses how this is shifting for the better.

Response:

What I really liked about this chapter was the flow of time periods and the associated explanations that followed. I found this very beneficial in terms of providing an outline for this topic as well as very easy to understand. It provided clear distinctions how gender roles were developed and changed based on historical events. The connections Garbacik makes clears a path for her ideas and opinions. It really made me think and question about gender roles throughout economical, political, and even religious events in history and why they shaped the way they did. Who started this way of thinking, and why did no one question them sooner? Overall, I really enjoyed this chapter and found the information beneficial to broadening my understanding of gender and sexuality.

Acquiring the Basics, Chapter 1: The Biology of Sex and Gender

Summary:

In this chapter, Garbacik distinguishes the differences between the terms “sex” and “gender”. She begins by asking the reader when does an individual form their gender identity and how? After addressing this issue that it is still unsure exactly how and when a person forms their gender identity, she discusses the role of genetics, physical appearance, both at first and second degree level, and hormones. Throughout each topic, Garbacik provides studies that support these assumptions on the formation and distinction of sex and gender.

Response:

My understanding of the “binary model” was very limited prior to enrolling this class. Garbacik’s exploration of how, what, and who determines “sex” and “gender” enlightened me on this topic. By exploring the genetics during creation of a person, the effects of choosing an intersex’s physical appearance at birth, and the effects of the numerous hormones that play a role in appearance and moods, I left the reading with a clearer image of how each of these can effect an individual’s life for the better or the worse. The most interesting thing I found in this chapter was the explanations behind the assumptions. I am a science person, so Garbacik’s explanations of how genetics are not so one-or-the-other really made me think about the possibilities that can arise besides XX and XY chromosomes. I found it very eye opening to the fundamentals of sex and gender issues.

Do You Have a Voice Yet?

Summary of Introduction

Jaimee Garbacik, the author of Gender and Sexuality for Beginners, introduces this book by discussing what she and young people find is the current “most pressing issue of our time” (Garbacik, 1). She claims that the array of answers is due to a discrepancy in gender. This discrepancy is due to the current language and use of categories of genders in which many cases, some people do not fit under. One of Jaimee’s biggest concerns is how this affects young people. Adult’s rules and policies are hindering young people’s livelihoods to the point where many don’t see a happy future and commit suicide. “In fact, 30 percent of lesbian, gay, and bisexual youths attempt suicide between the age of fifteen and twenty-four (Garbacik, 2). Throughout the introduction, Jaimee discusses the issues of categorizing this fight under one name and the complications even people apart of specific communities like LGBTQIA or feminism face. The most important people can do is not only support the youth, but learn from them. The purpose of this book is to educate the reader about the current “discriminations in our society that limit every citizen’s aptitude and personal expression” (Garbacik, 5). All in all, this introduction provides the basis for what reader’s should anticipate in future chapters, and what the writer, Jaimee Garbacik, expects, and hopes, for the reader to gain.

The Rhetorical Situation:

• The rhetorical situation that Garbacik is responding to is the issue of people’s understanding of gender and sexuality in our societies. In particularly, adult’s lack of wanting to learn from the young people. Through young people, society can diminish the barriers of labels. The main audience for this book, in my eyes, are the people that are aware of the issues, but may not fully know the how to digest or take action on the given information. The purpose of this book is for readers to finish the book understanding how their actions and assumptions impact other human beings. Readers should expect to learn lexicon, motivation to dig deeper for information, and to further educate and spread the awareness of this topic.

The Rhetorical Strategies:

• Throughout the introduction, Jaimee reveals her personal investments, establishes her qualifications, or lack of, acknowledges her sources, and even articulates the audience this book is intended for. She is able to support her claims and facts from gathering information through interviews with various communities, reflecting on her personal experiences, and providing strong and emotional statistics. Her ability to be rhetorically aware of her audience, people who are ill informed on the issues as well as people apart of the LGBTQIA community and numerous other communities, is apparent in her writing due to her ability to look and understand different stances individual’s stand by.

The “Writer’s Identity”:

• Garbacik takes on a strong identity in this book. She immediately presents herself as someone an audience can trust by providing factual situations that have occurred in our society, as well as meaningful and emotional statics that show how prevalent this issue truly is today. Even better, she fully understands the importance of knowing how to communicate with different communities, a concept that was presented in the book, Understanding Rhetoric. While reading this introduction, I felt that she was conveying a message to two audiences. The first audience is the uniformed people, in particularly many adults. The second audience is the young people, regardless of them knowing a little or a lot about the complicated issues about to be discussed. With this in mind, Garbacik knows when and what it is appropriate to say at the right time. BY combining all of these concepts, Garbacik is allowed to express her concerns, ideas, and vision of the future in a credible way that will permit a reader to gain awareness on the issues centered around gender and sexuality.

Cover for “Gender and Sexuality for Beginners” by Jaimee Garbacik

Reading With Senses

Week 6 Writing Tools Activity

Tool #14: Get the name of the dog, really stuck with me. I love when a writer describes what he is writing about using powerful adjectives. It really draws me into the subject and provides an unreal image for me. One where I can picture myself sitting in the cafe sipping on the steamy, hot coffee, or walking in the woods, smelling the pine needles and reminiscing about Christmas time with my family. The ability to take the reader to this place is a strong one, and to do this, a writer must provide the details. Below, I have provided an original passage that I wrote senior year of high school followed by a revision using this particular tool.

Original passage:

There were so many choices, but I decided to keep it simple, yet tasteful. I chose red peppers, spinach, shredded cheese, and ham, a classic in my eyes. I filled my bag and cracked two egg whites right into the bag. My omelet in a bag was ready. Everyone placed their bags into the boiling pot of water at the same time, and waited anxiously to see how they would turn out.

Revised passage:

There were so many choices, but I decided to keep it simple, yet tasteful. I chose crisp red bell peppers, a bountiful amount of green spinach, shredded colby jack cheese, and perfectly sliced pieces of ham. All combined together to form a mouth-watering, egg white omelet.  I filled the bag to brim with the veggies and cheese followed by cracking two large brown egg whites right into the bag. My omelet in a bag was ready. Everyone placed their bags into the industrial sized, boiling pot of water one by one, and waited anxiously to see how this method of cooking would actually turn out.

I am hoping that by using tool #14 that the reader will finding this more descriptive than the original passage. Providing these small details about this process can, what I hope, take the reader to that exact moment.

For anyone interested in how this works, I have provided the recipe. This process is great for when you have lots of people and want to eat at the same time.

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/omelet-in-a-bag/

It’s the little things….

For this writing activity, I have decided to employ tool #10, cut big, then small. In this reading, I learned how keep paragraphs short and clear will keep the reader on the correct path, and not stray from the main point. Clark tells us that the best time to utilize this tool is at the end of writing. It is here that writer can go back and gain a better understanding for the points he or she is clearly trying to get across. Clark also provides a list along with examples of words that are good targets for getting cut during this process. Below is an original and revised passage.

Original:

The two most common types of conventions can be seen in the early films, King Kong and The Mummy. One is that the victim is almost always a young, white female, but part of the illusion is that somehow everything will be okay. The second is that the heroine always gets the girl, while the monster is defeated both physically and emotionally. King Kong and The Mummy both portray similar types of conventions and are referred to as some of the first films to explore and utilize these conventions. Both exploit the young, white female victim, have the monster from the “far east”, and make sure the heroine wins the girl.

Revised:

Two common types of conventions can be seen in the early films, King Kong and The Mummy. Firstly, the victim is (deleted almost) always a young, white female, but (deleted part of) the illusion is (deleted that somehow) everything will be okay and secondly, (deleted is that) the heroine always gets the girl, while the monster is defeated both physically and emotionally. King Kong and The Mummy  are both referred to as the first films to explore and utilize these conventions. Both exploit the young, white, female victim, have the monster from the “far east”, and ensure the heroine wins the girl.

After revising this passage, I feel that my main points are more clearly stated. This revision will appeal more to my readers because I deleted words and phrases that really add anything to the passage. With these revisions, I feel that my idea is more logical and powerful. Who doesn’t want to be reading less words anyways…am I right?

New AND Improved

Here is a new and improved rhetorical analysis of the same article that I read for the last assignment. This article,http://elitedaily.com/women/skinny-should-stop-being-used-as-a-compliment/, discusses media’s current role in “demonizing fat” and the issues with why saying someone looks skinny is NOT a compliment. I will analyze this authors argument article through the use of logos, ethos, and pathos.

The authors argument in this article is very clear and concise….being skinny is no compliment, and the author brings many examples of how women, both celebrities and average women, struggle with body image. The author’s argument is that media is controlling what size women “think” they should be through various forms of medium. The author provides numerous examples of how the media influences young and old women’s perception of body image. The fact that the author is a woman gives her a large amount of credibility of where her opinion is stemming from. What woman hasn’t looked in the mirror and wished a part of her was skinny or had less cellulite? What woman hasn’t looked at a celebrity’s body and used that as a standard to one day reach through diet, or lack of, and maybe exercise. Using the Tori Spelling story really provides not only strong evidence that the media can “twist” how things are perceived, but how women in the lime light face strong scrutiny from the media and feel forced to be upheld to a higher standard in terms of how their body looks. The use of these elements provides ethos for the author.

The author uses a lot of emotions throughout the article and it makes her argument even stronger. She shows sympathy for every women no matter what their size. She expresses her concern on the way media influences young women to be skinny and the effect it has on the women that struggle with their weight. At the end, she even expresses sympathy for the women that are already extremely skinny because at that point you have no weight to lose and you don’t even have to go to the gym. On the other hand, the author shows her hatred for what the media has done. I really enjoyed her opening paragraphs about women’s role in society and its relationship with being “skinny”. Through the combination of emotions and sympathy, the author utilizes pathos.

While reading this article, I felt the overall structure was easy to follow. The author opened up with a powerful, inviting opening statement about the norms of females role in society.  It was clear and concise. The author respectfully got her opinions out there in a way that was supported by evidence and connected to her main argument that skinny is not a compliment. Women know that media’s influence is hindering women’s confidence on their body weight, but what’s worse is they continue to let it control their daily habits. The logos of this article is clear: that media influences body image negatively and that women shouldn’t use skinny as a compliment.